Thursday, September 12, 2013

A funny thing happened on the way to...

I haven't been feeling well the last several days, so I decided to write about something that really made me laugh... it shouldn't have, but it did. Everyone has embarrassing baby stories, but after I shared one of mine at a baby shower last week, I do think this may be one of the best.

Like many embarrassing baby stories, this one occurred on an airplane. Our twins, Zachary and Roxanne, were four months old and to get to my parents' for the holidays we had a long flight with one layover.  Oh, they were so very adorable, dressed in matching Christmas outfits with their names appliqued on the fronts. They got so much attention! In fact, I kept pulling away from people because I didn't want someone germy breathing on them.  

My husband and I each carried a baby as we boarded the plane, and our patient six year old, Timothy, was as happy to talk to anyone about the babies as we were.  We got settled, me holding Roxanne and my husband holding our Zachary, with Tim in the window seat. The plane took off, and we exhaled with relief to have gotten everyone on the plane with all of our stuff.  

I don't remember what was happening at the time, (I have probably blocked it out from mortification,) but the next thing I knew I heard, "Pfffffffffttttt." Tim hollered, "Ewe, gross," and I whipped my head around, first seeing the horrified look on David's face then to Zachary, who had loose yellow poop squishing from his diaper and down the short leg of his Christmas outfit.  None of us could move fast enough; Roxanne took a header into Tim's lap, David lifted Zach to me as he rushed to the bathroom, (I think to try to clean it from his dress pants, but maybe it was to throw up.. or both.)  I spread a little blanket on the seat so we didn't get poop everywhere and started the stinky cleanup.  No, I would NOT have wanted to be sitting in the seats around ours.

Now, David is an EXTREMELY calm person, and to see him jump up like that... Timothy started giggling, and I was trying not to snicker even as I tried not to gag.  I got Zach all cleaned up and in a little sleeper by the time Dad came back to his seat.  Poor Dad!  I asked him which  baby he wanted to hold, and he looked at me like I was dumb and pointed to Roxanne.

We once again settled in our seats, Timothy loudly stating, "Boy, am I glad I was in the window seat and not in the middle!"  Then, "MOM!"  I jumped, thinking Tim had hurt himself and gasped when I saw David with throw-up all down his shirt, Roxanne having anointed him and herself.  This time Zachary got thrust at Tim, (who said something about hoping Zach didn't poop on him,) I grabbed Roxanne, and David nearly ran down the aisle to the toilet.

Poor baby was hollering because I was wiping her down so fast, it was cold, and she was nakie; all I could think of were the unfortunate people in the neighboring seats. I got her cleaned up and into her little sleeper, and David returned to his seat, baby puke on his shirt and baby poop on his pants... mustard-yellow baby poop on his pants.  Did I say it was mustard-yellow?    

We couldn't WAIT to get off that plane, but when we got to the Dallas layover, our flight had been cancelled because it couldn't get out of Atlanta due to weather.  At that point, David and I were beyond frustrated.  We went to the ticket counter where we were told there wouldn't be anything available until the next morning. NOT ACCEPTABLE!  David said, "Look, lady; I am covered with puke and poop, we have infant twins and a six year old.. if you can't get us on one of your flights, get us on another!"

Amazingly, the agent felt sorry for us and got us onto a plane from another airline  We nearly cried with relief, boarded the plane, and safely make it to Baton Rouge, where my mom and dad were there to love on Timothy and help with the babies.  That would be the end of the story, but....

David went to get our luggage, and I am sure you know the outcome of that... all the luggage was there except his.  He had to file a missing baggage claim and was told it would be at least a day before they could deliver it to Mom's house.

So.. poor David... poor us.. in the car everyone tried not to gag from the odors, but it was too cold to roll the windows down.  David rushed into the house to shower while we got the kids inside and the car unloaded.  The only problem was, there was nothing that fit David for him to wear; my brothers and dad were several inches taller and at least fifty pounds heavier than he was.  He put on a baggy tee-shirt and some rolled up sweat pants while Mom washed his clothes.  His missing suitcase was delivered the next day, and the whole memorable flight was behind us.

I think it took him years to see the warped humor of it all, but it is something we laugh about now.  The twins are 29, and they aren't happy when we share it around anyone, but even they laugh about it when it is remembered around the family.

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